this is my skeleton

this is the skin its in, that is according to light and gravity

i'm so happy that you're my friend when we're looking up from under Babylon...
okay THIS time i'm really gonna give this journal a shot....again.

i really need to write and get things out! and at least i know alex doesn't read this lol. i don't really know where to start so i guess i'm just gonna jump right in.

i don't know how this can be possible, but things feel like they're changing so much and yet staying the same. i found out yesterday that i got the new position at Degraff Memorial in their lab and i'm soooooo excited. the only bad thing is that my current horrible boss is making me wait until March 16th to start the new position. thinking about finishing out my last schedule is enough to make me scream.

saturday, alex and i are meeting with a mortgage broker to discuss our options about buying a house this year (and by this year i mean by the end of april to get that money!). this prospect is scary/exciting...i mean....i'm buying a HOUSE. with my BOYFRIEND. eek! so i've been looking at houses and i don't even know what my budget is yet lol but i'm finding some nice places. my dad has been nice enough to help me out, and between him and alex's rotary buddies we've got our mortgage broker, realtor and lawyer. eek!

and i ready for this? it's just weird. i mean, it's just a situation i never saw myself in. i never was confident enough in any relationship to move this fast. alex is already saving for a ring (double eek). it's scary but it still feels right.

in other news, we're taking a little mini-vacation in june to see dave matthews at darien and then two shows in saratoga, which is exciting. i haven't had a vacation (or more than 3 days off) since august '08 so i think i'm a little overdue. we were actually planning on cruising this year but the house thing came up and i just can't afford to do both.

and i STILL can't figure out what to do for v-day. did you know there's nothing romantic in buffalo??? not even a hotel or anything. closest thing is russ salvatore's hotel but i was thinking about maybe like a couples massage and they don't have a spa or anything. oh and there's aren't rooms left lol. i have no other ideas. and no, i'm NOT going to niagara falls. maybe just a romantic dinner at home.

the most wonderful time of the year
i hate this time of year. i hate cold, and snow, and winter. ughh. and you'd think that living in a place that's mostly snow all the time, no one knows how to freakin' drive.

so alex and i are looking into starting to save to buy a house, and guess's hard! i need a mortgage counselor stat! HSBC has a program that allows you to make required monthly payments for up to two years which will be matched at $4 for every $1 we save in grant money and has a potential to earn about $9300 towards down payment and closing costs on a home. which is a, great start at least. but i'm finding so much information and i don't know how to sort through it all on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and SONYMA and HUD and all kinds of crazy shit. perhaps just sitting down and talking to someone at a bank will help find out best way to get started on at least the saving process and what kinds of goals we can feasibly work towards.

man, being a grownup sucks sometimes.

everybody's working for the weekend
i hate working weekends. i really do. you see, somehow getting up at 4:30am monday thru friday isn't so bad, but when it's saturday and sunday it's just depressing. so i had to do 3 homes yesterday and then go have a boring-ass day sitting in the lab at Suburban. this in and of itself is normally cool but it was busy and i hardly got any bejweled time in at all. well there was that, and 2 hours of listening to one of my co-workers talk about her boyfriend and how he abuses her and my OTHER co-worker yelling at her for not leaving him and me trying to mind my own business which was sorta working until i realized that first said co-worker is one of those people who will talk to you and tell you about her crappy life whether you're listening or clearly not.
today wasn't so bad. i had a good on call team with me and we were done by about 9:30am so it was nice to get home a little early.

i suppose i should be in the christmas spirit but dammit i hate christmas. i hate decorating. i hate having to buy presents for people. no, that's not true. i actually like it, because i'm pretty good at knowing what to get everyone but i hate spending money i don't have. i have one christmas present for my dad done so far, but i've got a list written out at least. my grandma's giving me her old tree which is nice. however, i fear the cats will destroy, destroy, destroy. callie is great at destroying all kinds of stuff. for being so tiny she's quite evil.

now i'm watching alex play call of duty for the 18th time today. as fun as that is....

oh well. one more day and i have a day off yay!

in the ring to the right...
family. of course it only takes a national holiday to have to get together and realize that sometimes, you really don't like yours. and i really don't like mine. or, at least, parts of mine.

i haven't talked to my mother in, well, months now. i can't remember how many exactly. okay that's not true....i believe the last time i saw her was my sister's wedding on june 20th of this year and we've only talked once since. honestly, i don't know how i feel about that. the reason i stopped talking to her is because every time we do talk, it's mostly about how disappointing i am. or we start a fight about something or other. i suppose i didn't realize how much it sucked until i met alex's parents.
see, his parents are the kind that support and will fight for their kids in any sort of battle. and alex's brother daniel is quite the fuck-up. he just had all his court hearings for a DUI, has totaled more cars than you see on a discount lot, owes money, etc etc. but they're always the first to defend him no matter how much trouble he's in. his parents fight FOR them, not against them. case in point: a bill collector will call for daniel and his mother will answer and make up some ridiculous story and yells at the collector so they never call again. my mother made a specific voice message on her answering machine with my phone number on it for bill collectors.
but on the other hand she is my mother.

my sister doesn't even talk to me anymore. apparently she was having dinner at her house tonight for my mom and aunt. i didn't know. i only found out when she stopped by my aunt's house and was telling my uncle.

at least my dad still talks to me. and my aunt and uncle. but i know my dad doesn't talk to me nearly as often as he does my sister. i often wonder how it happened. what i did or didn't do. and i secretly think i made this post just to bitch about my mother. it hurts still, i pretend it doesn't but it does. but at the same time, it hurts more when we are talking and i'm being constantly scolded, chided and talked down to. i'm not her version of perfect but i'm not a terrible person. sometimes i'm late on paying bills, who isn't? yes, i dropped out of school, but if we were talking she'd know that i just got accepted into Drexel University. i don't do drugs. i've never been arrested. i just don't see what warrants being treated the way i get treated, by her and my sister especially.

i wish we were like tv families and my mom was my best friend and my sister and i hung out all the time. simply said, i wish my family liked me. but i'm sure they have their own reasons for not talking to me. i'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes. my sister thinks i single-handedly ruined her wedding. and my mother blames me for ruining her credit because she co-signed my loans.

meh. it makes me sad to talk about it. happy freakin' thanksgiving.

you DO still exist...
jadeviolet appears i still remember how to log into LJ! after a "58 week" hiatus i think it's time for an update...

i have missed you my little livejournal friend; i have to admit i cheated on you with blogspot, but only once or twice. and i didn't even like it i swear. i don't have much time, but i have a lot of thoughts and need a place to put them.

i suppose it's kind of silly to try and put into words what has happened over the course of 58 weeks. doesn't seem like such a long time, does it? but when i go back and peruse my old entries it's hard to remember what i was even doing back then. i DID end up getting that phelebotomy job at Kaleida haha, and my one year anniversary was this week! i've since moved on from rite-aid to the greener pastures of Upstate Pharmacy Ltd. hell, my boyfriend Alex and i even celebrated our one year anniversary early this month. weird, right?

but i figure if i'm going to be posting we should all at least be on the same page.

ben harper why are you an angsty lyrical genius...
Oh no , here comes that sun again
that means another day with out you my friend
and it hurts me to have to look in to the mirror at my self
and it hurts me even more to have to be with some body else

and it's so hard to do
and so easy to say
but some times you have to walk away

With so many people to love in my life
why do i worry about one

but you put the happy in my ness
you put the good times in to my fun

We've tried our good bye so many different days
we walk in the same direction , so that we may never stray
they say if you love some one you've got to set them free
but i'd rather be locked to you , than live in this pain and misery

they say that time will make this all go away
but it is time that has taken our tommorows ,
and turned them in to yesterdays
And once again that rising sun is dropping on down
And once again , you my friend are no where to be found

let me take you down 'cuz i'm going to strawberry fields...
okay so when it rains it pours.

today i finally get a call-back from Buffalo General for a phlebotomy position. so, now i think i have a choice to make, and i'm worried. i think i'll call Buff Gen to see what they offer...but....
do i want to take the other travelling phlebotomy job?
do i want to quit eckerd?
so far the travelling job is more money (say, $50 per couple on average, done on my own basis, say maybe 5 houses a day? $250 a day? don't actually know how it works) and i'm pretty sure the Buff Gen job is going to be more than eckerd. phlebotomist usually start at $12/hr at least.
so do i stay with eckerd and do the travelling phlebotomy?
or stay with eckerd and do mornings at Buff Gen?
or quit eckerd and do mornings at BuffGen and do travelling in my spare time?

oh god decisions. am i ready for the eckerd era to be over? as much as i say i hate my job, i LOVE the people i work with. i can't imagine working with people that aren't brian, steph, and robin. but at the same time, im sure at the new job i'll make friends. and there's no reason i can't still be friends with the eckerd crew.
i don't knooowwwwww

i feel a lot closer to nick lately, yayyy. i mean, i kinda dont even mind that we don't have cable since that actually gives us a chance to sit and talk, as opposed to vegging out to the tv all day. evil evil tv.

so i think its safe to say mike kaney effectively ruined our halloween party plans. we had planned to have a house party including both apartments, and a friend of mike's (and mutual friend of nick and i) greg planned on throwing his usual halloween party here. we had agreed on the 25th as a date, and discussed the 25th as a date many times. so, nick and i go up to check out the attic and see what we needed to do to get it party-ready, and coming down the stairs mike comes out of the apartment so we ask about cleaning the attic. so mike says he was thinking about having the party more in just the apartments, and since his is such a wreck, probably mostly in mine and nick's. so, we paused for a second and mike goes and gets the party invitations greg made up and....lo and behold the party date is on the 1st. so nick and i exchange glances...because of course, we have plans on the 1st. so, asking mike about this he says that it was a better date for greg (who doesn't even live here, mind you). so looking over the invitation a little more, i realize there are only 3 names as hosts....mike, greg and nick. i'm not in there. so nick asks what that was all about, and he said that he "forgot" to ask nick about that "3 or 4 times." so...basically, had we not been up in the attic, mike would have never have told us that the date had changed and that they planned on using our apartment! and the part that made me most angry, other than the fact that mike made all these commitments in nicks name without consulting him (or me, since i live here too), is that my name is no where on it, as if its supposed to be a party with greg and mike's friends, and nick's name is on there just to try and get a bigger crowd since a lot of people know nick from downtown, and my name isn't even on it. sorta like i'm not even invited to my own house party. that is no longer a house party. and i'm going to stop talking about it because it just makes me angrier. ugghhhhh

so, other than the halloween party thing, i feel actually really happy right now. not that im really pleased with my life or anything lol but i just feel really content at this moment in time.

so, i hate to admit this, but i think i got scammed on selling my phone. and i just lost a $350 phone for no reason, plus the money i borrowed from nick to ship it. so i've been counting on this money for over 8 days now, and the buyer keeps giving me this run-around (dont want to get into it) and i dont know what to do. can i have the phone shipped back to me if it hasnt been picked up on their end? i feel like i should file something with PayPal (this was all done thru paypal so thought it'd be safe) about emails ive received from them and the seller because i think the emails from "PayPal" may have been counterfeited but i honestly have no way to tell. and this on top of all the other money problems im having. not that im complaining, it is my own fault. i finally filed to have all my debts consolidated and my school loans consolidated as well so i'm not paying bills all over the place. right now, i'm living less than paycheck to paycheck. thats why i thank god i now have those two job offers. i got paid friday, saturday my account was in the negatives. thank god i kitty-sat for my aunt and uncle this past weekend, and they left me $40 to eat (for the weekend lol) and i put $20 in my gas tank. im lucky that i have a job that i can kinda take food and drinks for lunch and stuff, because i'd literally starve. plus, i figure rite-aid owes me anyway for putting up with their crap.

on another note we had inventory this morning. inventory is endlessly annoying because for the first 3-4 hours or so it's full of people just getting in my way. they inventoried the pharmacy and our loss prevention manager was back with us for what seemed like forever, and then he left, so i started taking down the inventory tags. big mistake cuz 2 hours later (im not kidding, 2 hours) he comes back and asks for the tags which i had assumed he was done with. also, i may have pissed of my district pharmacy manager a teensy tiny bit (or more). i expressed my feelings about my job, and inventory, and at one point he showed me a plan-o-gram of what our pamphlet area is supposed to look like (seriously, they care about what order we put the pamphlets in) and he turned his back and i threw it in the garbage. well, he asked to see it again, and i told him i threw it out, and incredulously he asked why i had done so. so i explained that since we are short-staffed as it is because corporate yet again cut our payroll hours, i just dont have the time to spend on something as stupid as making sure what order the pamphlets are in. news flash...NONE of our customers would give half a flying fuck what stupid order they're in. and that's assuming they even look at them, which they don't. so, i ended up getting really heated with my DPM (nick, this is the guy you met at the strip club lol) about my job priorities and at this point he'd have to choose which he likes more, us taking care of customers or making sure the stupid friggen pamplets are in order. then robin took me away and they calmed me down with tim hortons coffee which is like mother's milk to me. needless to say my DPM knew when to take his leave.
and my loss prevention manager annoys the HELL out of me. he's the type that takes his job waaayyyy to seriously and it annoys me. because if you're taking your job that seriously, you should just kill yourself.

speaking of, brian and i are devising ways to kill ourselves. we're thinking suicide pact at work....we each swallow a bottle of amiodarone and wait til our hearts stop, but then again it sounds awful painful. then again i always saw myself dying at eckerd lol...

hm, debating whether to visit nick at underground. im in my pj's and im all cramp-y and bloated, but on the other hand i'm lonely and don't have to work til 2pm tomorrow.

(no subject)
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
and as I climb into an empty bed
oh well, enough said
I know it's over still I cling
I don't know where else I can go, mother

Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
see, the sea wants to take me
the knife wants to slit me
do you think you can help me?

Sad veiled bride, please be happy
handsome groom, give her room
loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
although she needs you more than she loves you

And I know it's over
still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
it's over, it's over, it's over

I know it's over
and it never really began
but in my heart it was so real
and you even spoke to me and said:

"If you're so funny
then why are you on your own tonight?
and if you're so clever
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very entertaining
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very good looking
why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know because tonight is just like any other night
that's why you're on your own tonight
with your triumphs and your charms
while they are in each other's arms"

It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes strength to be gentle and kind
it's over, over, over

It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes guts to be gentle and kind
it's over, over, over

Love is natural and real
but not for you, my love
not tonight my love
love is natural and real
but not for such as you and I, my love

(no subject)
ugh, i need to sleep. i have to work at 9am tomorrow and i can't sleep. my internal clock is too fucked up!

so, i WAS excited about my job prospect...i found it on craigslist. then i visited my sister today who told me she saw some special about people who went in for interviews from CL job postings and got raped and stuff. yeah. wtf.

so, my new phone (my new NEW phone) is pissing me off. its an unlocked LG Shine and im trying to use it with T-Mo and its just not working. i can get multimedia stuff and ringtones and its making me angry.

i REALLY want a gyro right now.

lolz Urban Dictionary

A drinking city with a football problem. Buffalo is known for the overwhelming number of bars per square mile, the ever changing weather conditions, and it's diehard football and hockey fans who always believe that "this season this will be the season we go all the way"! It might have it's political havoc, an incredibly high crime rate, and a failing economy, but Buffalonians have an unexplainable bond to each other and the city. Buffalo is also widely recognized for being the biggest small town in America. Everyone knows everyone who knows everyone. This city may have it's faults but it is a great place to be during any holiday(s).
Drunk driving is a sport in Buffalo.

No matter where they travel in the world, a Buffalonian will run into other Buffalonians.


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